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Need help please! Is this correct?

I am doing a role play in Mandarin. The text below is what I have to say. Can you tell me if this is correct, please? Thanks a lot!

我们打断您的一天,告诉您有关改变世界的新闻。 这是每个人都在等待的消息! 这个消息不同于其他消息,这是个好消息!

尽管该新闻已经存在了很长时间,但它仍在发展中,人类需要再次收听它,据说这是世界上最好的新闻! 好消息是……

Hi there,

Wow! A role play in Mandarin! That must be interesting!

我们打断您的一天(1),告诉您有关改变世界的新闻。 这是每个人都在等待的消息! 这个消息不同于其他消息,这是个好消息(2)!

  1. In English, you might often hear “We interrupt your day,” but in Chinese, we prefer to say “Today, I am bringing you…”.

  2. Apparently you use four sentences to describe the “news”, but in Chinese, unless all the sentence structures are the same, we don’t describe things like this. To fix this, I would combine some descriptions in one sentence.

Based on these two, I would correct the first sentence like this:

Now let’s take a look at the second one.

  1. In Chinese, when describing about things that are related to people, we would prefer to describe it through how people sense it.

  2. Well, in my opinion, a piece of news is not able to “develop” but able to be “changed”.

  3. When persuading people, in Chinese, we would prefer to call the audience “we”.

  4. Instead of asking people to listen to it, suggesting they update the information would be more polite.

  5. In Chinese, we don’t use big words to describe good news. So, instead of “in the world”, I would suggest “recently”.

  6. When we say “good news”, the “news” is mostly translated into 消息 instead of 新闻.

  7. Like English, when you mentioned something again, you use “the” to specify it.

  8. Apparently, we are emphasizing things now. In Chinese, when we want to emphasize things, we use 就是.

So, based on these reasons, I would correct the second sentence like this:

Hope this would help. And wish everything goes well about your role play.